Now, get rid of all the noise and focus on the feelings you’ve identified for both your ex and your current partner. It’s tempting to go into a new relationship to cheer yourself up from ending a bad one. People need people, and you might have felt like you needed to be close to another person when you were going through the rough patch that is moving on from a breakup. Again, you have to be brutally honest with yourself here or else you’ll get nowhere. You might be feeling guilty about this because of your new partner, but remember that it’s worse for both of you if you don’t confront the feelings you still have for your ex. You can’t help how you feel about things, only your reaction to them.

“If they say sorry a hundred times for not answering your text fast enough, it’s probably because their used to getting yelled at all the time,” she says. Inner child exercises can help you parent and nurture your inner child, offering them the comfort they need. Your moral compass and ethics may sound like the same set of values, but your moral compass is your personal guide to what’s right and wrong.

This can give people “an inability to understand a situation, and the feeling of helplessness in not having any power to change it,” he said. “It can be hard to accept that you can’t ‘fix’ someone and that change has to come from them,” she said. “When you look back on a toxic relationship, you can end up viewing your ex as a victim rather than the perpetrator, particularly if they’ve had a tough upbringing or have suffered from mental-health issues.” Walking away from a meaningful relationship is always going to be difficult.

Yahoo News

Frankel’s comments put a spotlight on the fact that more and more couples who move in together have been forced to maintain their living situation after a breakup, usually for financial reasons. If your friend still has feelings for their ex and had told you so, that’s a red flag that dating this person is a bad idea. It’s worth noting that some people may have an easier time admitting when they’ve been wrong, while others may have a greater tendency to get defensive.

Are you on the same wavelength in terms of drive and ambition? Do you share the same philosophies and political beliefs? These are all important for a long-lasting relationship. Of course, it’s possible to have fond feelings towards your ex without necessarily being in love with them. It’s not automatically a given that when you have love for your ex, you want to be with them again.

It’s normal to think about them from time to time

It is so hard to do sometimes, but it must be done for our children. I feel like such a Hypocrite typing this, because I have not been as strong as I should have been around my children at times, but I am still here fighting. Trust and honesty is part of the foundation of a relationship, and if your partner is lying to you, it’s a sign of toxic behavior. “You know lying is a problem when you start to realize that you can’t trust what your partner tells you because they lie so much,” Davis says.

Even clients who say their spouse completely changed after the wedding, admit that there were telltale signs early on, once they learned more about narcissism and themselves. They work hard to make you like them in order to get their needs met rather than build a relationship based on knowing you, which doesn’t interest them. Notice that a relationship with a narcissist develops on the narcissist’s terms. Whereas we seek to please, to them, compromise is a painful loss of power.

So if you’re constantly asking yourself, “Why do I still think about my ex,” getting to the bottom of those thoughts can help you move forward. Being a hot topic on their own podcast, The Love Fix, Damona asks Carla and Sherry for their take on the signs of toxic behavior. Carla states that oversharing can be a red flag (less in a vulnerable way, more in the let-me-dump-my-childhood-trauma-on-you kind of way).

I’m not just saying this to be mean but truthfully, she’s a narcissistic condescending bully and she’s very charming and convincing in her arguments. But beyond that, she’s just hollow and empty and ugly inside and out. If I have any advice to give, DO NOT USE YOUR CHILDREN AS LEVERAGE TO HURT THE OTHER PARENT!! My ex does this and I’m trying to point that out in court but of course they refuse to listen despite I’ve called the police recently too.

“You end up feeling small, confused, shamed, and often exhausted,” Manly says. The process of rebuilding a damaged relationship offers a good opportunity to reevaluate how you feel about certain elements of the relationship, from communication needs to physical intimacy. Also focus on using “I” statements, especially when talking about relationship issues.

Exciting new dating prospects can trump past worn-out relationships and help people get over their exes so they can better focus on their new, more compatible partners. On the other hand, when people fail to connect with new partners, it can make them long powerfully for the familiarity of an ex, particularly if they found the ex to be deeply rewarding in the past. Under these circumstances, people sometimes do decide to give their old flame another go—assuming the ex is also willing, of course.

Were you just together for so long that thinking about them is a habit? Or are you still angry about how the relationship ended? There are endless reasons they might be knocking around upstairs, so take some time to figure out where those thoughts are coming from so you can address them and move on, says House. Charles thought that divorcing his narcissistic wife would end his frustrations. Not too long after the divorce was finalized, his wife began acting like they were still married. Added to the confusion, she got intensely angry when he began dating and even undermined his prospects by contacting them.